Monday, December 14, 2009

Moron Report #36: Silvio Berlusconi

This is a momentous day in the history of the Discourses blog. The first inclusion of a head of state in my moron hall of shame. Meet the three time Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi. The name and moronic behavior does no justice to this contemporary sawdust caesar. His primary claim to fame is owning the majority of the Italian media, which has allowed him to manufacture a political career. His phony populism include such antics as claiming that Benito Mussolini was a "benign dictator" who never killed his opponents, but instead sent them on "a holiday" (meaning, of course, that anti-fascist parliamentarian leader Giacomi Matteotti was holidayed back in 1924 multiple times in the chest with a file lodged into him by an agent of someone other than Mussolini).

Berlusconi is noted for other activities, too, like trying to ban gay marches, abortion, appointing beauty queens as his party's parliamentarian candidates (on the grounds that men should have beautiful women to look at when they vote), stopping the distribution of the RU486 ('morning after') pill, and 'complimenting' Africans and black people in general, including Barack Obama, for having nice suntans. He has also used his status as a politician to avoid prosecution for crooked business deals and ties to organized crime.

And recently, the Vatican's most favored 73 year old conservative chief executive has taken to bedding 18 year olds, and offering up prostitutes to business associates at parties. And in the case of the 18 year old, Noemi Letizia, ole Silvio vehemently denies anything improper about a married 70-something man purchasing a $10,000 gold and diamond necklace for the young lady (to which the PM calls himself her "daddy teacher"), and then for good measure demanded his wife (apparently taking such offense at his gift-giving) to publicly apologize to him for daring to bring up the affair during a campaign!

Well, it was only a matter of time before Silvio finally received some justice for his nefarious ways. It appears as though Massimo Tartaglia, an engineer with a mindset in an alternative reality, finally showed Mr. Berlusconi what it means to be given a holiday. In the memory of Giacomo Matteotti, and without further ado.

Congratulations, Silvio. Once you are plastically re-taped, out of politics and your legal shield lifted once and for all, your media empire can be broken into pieces following your conviction for corruption and mafia ties, along with the departure check for your expensive divorce and short stay in an Italian prison. Somehow, I doubt Ms. Noemi Letizia will be waiting for you. Who knows, maybe you will live long enough to have someone ghostwrite a book about your ordeals and tribulations. I mean, it is not as though too many people in Italy have $10 billion.

And to show you there is no hard feelings for your insinuation that an assassinated opposition politician in the Mussolini era is differently sleeping, here is to hoping you get a nice tan during your vacation, dear PM, least Italian politics become 'too pink' (a misogynistic ascription you used on the Spanish government for committing the heretical offense of having an equal number of male and female cabinet members). Or the time you told a young woman at a political forum that the best way to obtain economic security was to sleep with and marry one of your sons.

Or how about the time as PM you tried to forcefully extend the brain dead life of your country's Terri Schiavo, Eluana Englaro, whose living status you defended on the moral principle that no matter how comatose so long as a woman menstruates and can physically have babies, then she should remain alive. Or how about the time on one of your t.v. channels, when you decided it swell to suspend a scantily clad woman from ceiling wire next to a piece of meat in matching panties? Here it is, at the 4:27 mark.

I would mourn you, Silvio, but I simply cannot find it in my heart to do so.

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